I Meet Hucky The Ducky

Yesterday was something called "Christmas" which is something I do not understand except for the fact that they take my big comfy pillow and move it off the sofa so the humans can sit there. Then they pull things from underneath the fake tree and make noise and create a large mess. I do not like it one bit! One thing that arrive underneath the tree was a strange looking contraption that was supposed to be some sort of poultry. Now poultry is one of my rare areas of expertise, and believe me this was not a real edible poultry. It was hard and cold and did not smell like meat, or any meat by product. I believe its name is Hucky the Ducky and it now has its own blog too. Why not, since I have not posted anything in a year? If there is a lazy cat who is supposedly posting his thoughts on the Internet, how about a porcelain planter from Goodwill too? Go ahead, Hucky, tell us what is on your mind! It is bound to me as much as is on mine. And you are almost as photogenic as I am as well and can be placed just about anywhere (i.e. you are more cooperative than a finicky cat!)

I have decided to become a famous author

Being the least intelligent creature in the house (now that the latest rodent in the basement had its head crushed), I have decided to begin a literary career. Yes, I, Slinky the Cat, will begin to write my own fiction which will appear not on this blog, but on a separate Google Site called "Cat Tales from Slinky" (catchy, isn't it?) I believe full stories are not quite the proper format for a blog, but what do I really know since I am just a senseless cat? Be prepared for some stellar writings the likes of which have never appeared on the Internet, simply because nobody else on the Internet has a brain as small and warped as I do.

My Annual Departure from the Estate

Now that we are settled in our new house, I should only have to leave the confines of the house once a year for my travels to the "probing lab". I do not like that experience at all, but much to my surprise it happened a few days ago. I was happily doing absolutely nothing as usual, when the Alpha Female trapped me to the floor and shoved me into the caged container. I do not like that contraption one little bit, so I sang a beautiful song of woe and misery as I was carried into the garage where the humans often seem to disappear. I was then carried into one of the large doored vehicles which then starts to shake profusely for a long time.

When the doors open we seem to no longer be in the garage, but near somewhere else where I hear an ominous sound that actually appears to sound like other creatures like myself! No, not that place! There are more humans, but also more howling, screaming felines around. I do not like to be around other felines. I crouched in the back of my container waiting for the horror to end. But then I was carried into yet another room where the Alpha Female shook me out of the container. Horrors of horrors another human grabbed be and touched me in strange ways. I can not even describe the horrible ways this human touched me, he must truly be a deranged individual! I cannot believe my pet human allowed him to handle me in this way while she stood there and even talked to him. For being so heartless to me I won't even sit on her lap for.. well, maybe not until we get home. We are going home, aren't we?

Oh, then it was time to go back into my safe comfy container. Yes, yes, let me escape the deranged human and go back into the container. ANYTHING is better than that! My human picked me up and carried me back into the vehicle, which then shook again for a long time until we were back again in the garage! Hooray, my own garage which I would never normally enter myself, but at least I recognize the thing. I know what is behind the garage door too -- my house, my litter box, and my amazing, lovely kibble. Glory, hallelujah, I am back in the house! I sure hope I never have to leave this place again...

I am one lazy cat

Here is a picture of me today as I lay on top of the sofa doing nothing. I am a pretty pathetic looking blob, aren't I? Last night the humanoids were watching American Idol and the Olympics at the same time, but I didn't care. I just sat on my comfy pillow and slept. Why do they want to watch other humans singing or flying down a hill on snowboards or skis? I prefer howling to singing and as for winter sports, just count me out -- I'm staying inside! My top winter sports are lounging and barfing, and I believe I could win a gold medal in barfing. I just performed some excellent moist food barfing this morning. I consider myself the Shaun White of cat barfing.

As for hunting, I will now relay my story of hunting the mice. One Saturday morning the people were sitting down at breakfast when I noticed a small furry grey something moving by their shoes. It almost seemed alive! So I poked at it and howled a bit until the people would come over and investigate. They kept yelling "get it, Spunky, it's a mouse!", but I just sat there meowing. Finally the large male human grabbed a bread loaf pan and dropped it over the grey scurrying creature. He then scooped it up with some cardboard underneath and took it away outside. Later that morning I discovered another such creature behind the TV stand downstairs. So this time I picked it up with my mouth and carried it upstairs. The little thing squeaked and squealed while I held it and squirmed a bit, so I put it down. Then it started running away so I had to pounce on it to hold it still. It kept trying to escape and I kept pouncing on it, but I was not sure what to do next! Luckily the large man creature came again with the bread pan and dropped it on the creature as it ran away from me in the dining room. He again caught it and took it away, meanwhile muttering how I was not being a "real cat". What is he talking about? What is a real cat anyway?

It is moist food day! Hurray!

Since I am an overweight kitty who will eat anything placed on the floor that I deem edible, I have to eat expensive diet cat food. I have been eating Hills r/d with liver and chicken for a while, usually the dry food, but on Monday and Thursday I get to eat the moist canned cat version, 1/2 in the morning and the rest later in the deal. I find that a particularly good reason to howl at the people since I like to gobble food down so much, and I have very little else to look forward to throughout the day. Since today is Thursday, the larger, quite annoying male human fed me when he first got up to stop my incessant whining. I like to go out on the sun porch in the mornings to look for wildlife to watch, but lately it has been cold out there and not too sunny. I particularly enjoy bright sunny days when I can sit out on the back of the sofa on the sun porch and watch the birds and squirrels. I am not sure what I would actually do with a real bird or squirrel if I were ever to actually come in contact with one. I will have to tell you the story of the day I actually contacted a real live mouse. But that is too much for my feeble mind to comprehend in one posting so I will leave you for now with a lovely picture of myself wearing a towel on my head.

I am the Immovable Blob

My human family consists of the prototypical members, the older female is the head of the household and the only one that I pester non-stop. I used to pester the younger female human, but she doe not show up very often anymore. She keeps disappearing into the garage, never to be seen for weeks or so. The picture here was taken by the younger female in her room. I find her bed to be very comfortable for napping. The two male humans annoy me to no end. The larger one luckily disappears for long periods into the garage most days, but the younger one shows up an hour or two earlier, but then he just parks himself in his room or in front of the flashing screen for hours at a time. Those male humans are strange creatures. I believe I may be male like them, but I am not sure what I really am anymore. I do like it when the humans congregate around the large flashing screen and just stare into it. Then I can sit on the lead female's warm lap and snooze. And we all know that is what I do best.

My humble beginnings

The humans in my clowder do not know exactly when or where I was born, since they located me in the Animal Protective Association on Hanley Road in Brentwood. It was a nice shelter, but I lived in a very small cage with assorted other unknown felines. When they adopted me, I had been there a few weeks, and only had a little time before I would have met my time in "the chamber". My original name was Smokey and I gave my shy and adorable act whenever any humans looked at me, but only my future family was gullible enough to believe it. I was about 11 months old when they picked me up in the Spring of 2005, and I was lucky to make it to a full year. Of course, one of the conditions of my adoption was losing my "manliness", so I had to go under the knife and get "fixed". They also removed my front claws at the same time, so I was destined to live my life as an indoor kitty. That ended up being a good thing since I am a complete coward and would be scared by crickets or earthworms out in the great outdoors. My predecessor with the family was a stealthy outdoor cat who hunted and ate real birds. I only hunt kibble, light dots and ping pong balls. In the wild I would be called "dead kitty". But I was saved and moved to the laundry room of my people family, which I thought at the time was a huge cage compared to my cramped quarters at the APA. I would be amazed once I realized I would soon have a complete house to explore!